So, a few weeks ago I wrote about saying yes to life and having a can do attitude. I've thought about that recently and realized that there is a missing piece to that equation that I unknowingly came across during my journey. I am about to undertake something that I never thought I would, could, or should do. Tomorrow I am performing in a musical in which I will be singing an (albeit short) solo. The notion of singing in front of a paying audience has been my life long fear. The notion has, and still does, terrify me. So how did I find myself on the eve of overcoming this, and also being oddly at calm about it? (Don't get me wrong, there is a very good chance I will throw up from nervousness tomorrow night before the show.) I hit a point in my life where I realized that failure is not only a bad thing, it is a necessity. By failing at something, you learn where your limit it, and then you can push yourself to shatter down that wall towards your next failure. I believe that we as a people have become to terrified of failure on a personal level, that we never know what we are capable of.
Now, don't get me wrong, it is a wonderful thing to think that you cannot do something and then when you decide to try it you find that you are capable and discover that about yourself. If I had stood up in that first rehearsal and knocked my part out of the park, that would have felt wonderful and all that jazz. But you know what feels even better? Getting up that first rehearsal and sounding terrible. Being so meek that the musical director can barely hear you 3 feet away. And then two month later knowing, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you have worked your ass off, spent the hours trying over and over, and finally hitting the point where you say "Screw it, if I suck then I suck. But I am going to suck big!" And then realizing the time you have spent was not wasted, you have gotten better, pushed yourself, and come out the other side better. It happened when I tried to lose weight, I attempted it, failed, adapted, and got the results to be a greater version of myself. Through the journey of doing a musical, I have set myself up to do nothing but fail. I am known for my acting ability, when it comes to straight theatre I can kill it and do anything I want. But now I have put myself in a situation where my skill set is not necessary. Strong acting ability is not the most important thing to possess in a musical. Singing and dancing are the two things that take center stage. But I took a risk, I have put myself out there to see what I am made of as a man, and in 24 hours we will see what the results are.
But, had I just assumed that I couldn't do it, or rather than I had no desire to test myself, I would be the same person I was in 2013. But I can say that only 4 months into 2014, I am a changed man with a new found confidence in my capacity to learn, adapt, and grow. So I will say this, don't be afraid to fail, in fact, run towards failure. It isn't until you fail that you know what you need to do to get better.
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